If a book should become infested with mildews and stench, the acolyte must ven­ture forth to pro­cure a cas­ket, one not over-​​large but also never used, with a tight and sturdy lid. Before leav­ing the depart­ment of Rub­ber­maid, cir­cle the aisle thrice wid­der­shins and say unto the Sec­ond Clerk when it is met: I adjure you, Abonometh, Azri­pan, Abonometh, Sec­ond Clerk — where is the cat lit­ter? If the Sec­ond Clerk doth obfus­cate, pro­duce the Stave and make the Sign of Defen­es­tra­tion, and speak: Greebo! Greebo! Greebo! I am not dis­suaded! Arm & Ham­mer Brand will be fine! Is it in the Gro­ceries sec­tion? and then the clerk will direct you thence. Many fall or fal­ter upon the long path from Stor­age Solu­tions to Gro­ceries, for tempt­ing del­i­ca­cies may be offered unto the unwary; fal­ter not, but rather fast, and par­take of nei­ther sausage nor crab­cake nor cof­fee. If chal­lenged, make the Sign of Defen­es­tra­tion twice and turn aside, always along the heart­line; the path may waver, but goal should never change. The acolyte must depart with the cas­ket of rub­ber with a tight lid, and the cat lit­ter; on occa­sion, sil­ica gel may also be obtained. Thence depart this place with all haste.

Pre­pare a Short Rack of Metal or Wood, such as would fit inside the cas­ket and be about the height of a fin­ger from the bot­tom. Con­sult the Moon as required. A cookie sheet will do in a pinch.

Place the cas­ket of plas­tic in the rit­ual cir­cle, for it should not be dis­turbed over­much by chil­dren or house­hold famil­iars. Cleanse the book which doth stink care­fully with Swif­fers and dry paper tow­els, using always the utmost care and patience, while chant­ing qui­etly: Stink away. Stink away. Fly stinky away. Abronalith. Stink away. Spread the cat lit­ter as deep as two knuck­le­bones in the bot­tom of the cas­ket, pour­ing in a sin­gle motion, say­ing: Lord Zygax, pro­tect this book from the stench, Oh Lord I hope this works. Avaunt!

Avoid breath­ing the dust.

Place the Short Rack of Metal or Wood upon the cat lit­ter. Do not allow the Short Rack of Metal or Wood to be cov­ered entirely. Next place upon the Short Rack of Metal or Wood the books which stink, say­ing, UVAVU. ERANU If the cas­ket and books and the Short Rack of Metal or Wood should allow, fan the pages of the books so that they are open to the still air within the cas­ket; this will draw out the waters of evil. Next seal the cas­ket. Tie above it a frog dipped in honey. When ants and flies have cleaned the bones of the frog entirely, the books shall be relieved of its stink, and may be used with pleasure.

Lack­ing a frog, check in about a week.

This process may be amended to pre­vent the dropsy, in the nor­mal manner.